Dating My Spouse (Again): A Love Story With Plot Twists

Let’s get one thing straight: no relationship is perfect. And if someone tries to convince you otherwise, their pants are on fire. Like, actual flames. Because LIAR, LIAR!

I’m not a licensed marriage therapist, or a relationship coach, or even someone who successfully keeps a plant alive. But I am a woman who has been through every stage of a modern-day love story:

• The awkward “hi, I think you’re cute but I’m too shy to say anything” phase

• The talking phase

• The dating phase

• The moving-in-together phase

• The engagement phase

• The married phase

• The "roommates who happen to share a child and sleep deprivation" phase

• And, yes, even the “we almost got divorced this summer” phase

But here we are — still standing, still married, and dating each other again.

It wasn’t always lovely. In fact, 10 months ago, we were pretty close to calling it quits. And before I get into what helped us heal and grow, I feel like I owe you the full origin story. Buckle up.

The Year Was 2011…

I was a freshman in high school. Third period Algebra I. I hated it because I hate math. Yes, I’m a teacher now — no, I still hate math. Sue me.

Anyway, seated behind me was this guy I’d never seen before. Weird, because I knew almost everyone in that class. Turns out he was a junior who had failed Algebra I one too many times and had to retake it with us fresh-meat.

He was cute. I noticed. But I was awkward. He was older and charming. It would never happen.

Fast forward to the next year: I get a Twitter DM from him. THE JUNIOR FROM MATH CLASS. I truly thought I was being Punk’d. He tells me I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. (Barf, I know.) I thanked him and ghosted him. (I had a crush on someone else who I thought was my forever. Spoiler alert: he wasn’t.)

Fast forward again (because clearly time likes to loop in six-month increments), he slides into my DMs again. This time I said, “Okay, let’s give it a shot.” And we’ve been together ever since.

Cute, right? But relationships aren’t made of glitter and candy hearts. They take work.

We grew up together. We had to learn what it meant to grow with each other instead of away from each other. And trust me — that didn’t always come easy.

What Helped Us Find Our Way Back...

After hitting a low point in our marriage, we knew something had to change. Here are a few things that helped us rebuild, reconnect, and reignite:

1. Talk... And Then Talk Some More

Communication isn’t just “we talk.” It’s how you talk. Are you listening to respond or listening to understand? Do you check in with your partner — not just “how was your day?” but really checking in? We made time for weekly “pulse checks,” even if they were 15 minutes in the car.

2. Know Your Love Languages

Mine is acts of service. His is words of affirmation. I could clean the whole house top to bottom and feel like I’ve written him a love letter — but he needs actual love letters.

Learning each other’s love languages changed everything. If you’ve never taken the quiz (or want to retake it with your partner), here’s a free one we found helpful: 5 Love Languages Quiz.

We stopped giving love the way we wanted to receive it and started giving it the way they needed it.

3. Plan the Damn Date Night

Even if it’s at home. Even if it’s frozen pizza and watching Netflix on the couch. You have to create intentional time where you aren’t just “parents” or “roommates.”

4. Build Trust Daily

Trust isn’t a one-and-done. It’s daily. It’s honesty, vulnerability, consistency. It’s choosing each other every day — even when you’re tired, annoyed, or would rather just doom scroll on your phone in silence.

5. Date Your Spouse

This is where we are now. The “dating each other again” phase. It’s lovely. It’s playful. It’s romantic. It reminds us why we chose each other in the first place.

So No, We’re Not Perfect...

But we’re real. We’ve been to the edge and made our way back. And if you’re in a rough season in your own relationship, I hope this shows you that it’s okay. You’re not alone. And with time, effort, communication, and maybe a few therapist-approved Google searches — you can find your way back too.

Because let’s be honest: This wasn’t on the syllabus. But we’re learning as we go.

And if you want the real behind-the-scenes look — I poured my heart out in my new eBook, which expands on this very blog post. In it, I talk about the specific reason why my husband and I almost got divorced, and what the trauma and healing process has looked like since then. I share things I haven’t shared with anyone outside of my therapist.

It’s raw, it’s honest, it’s 100% vulnerable — and it was incredibly difficult to write. But I knew I needed to share it in the hopes that it might help someone else who’s navigating a similar season.

If that someone is you, I hope you’ll check it out.

Chaos

Buy Now